I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
