from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What a dumb baby whore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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