One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
