HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
