White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
