It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
