4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
