I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
