I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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