so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
