Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
