just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
