I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
