In the future we'll all be gay
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
