I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Will exercising make me less horny?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
