Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
