I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
