also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
