your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
