They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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