i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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