If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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