So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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