So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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