What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
