i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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