You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
