I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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