Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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