I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ate ashes out of my bong
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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