I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
