This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
