i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
