At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
