At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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