first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
