BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
