Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
