a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
