what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
