I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
