Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
