I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
