the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
