fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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