I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
