Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
