I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
