you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
