I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it hurts more in the daytime
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
