i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
