Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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