woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
