you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
