Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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