I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
