Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
