A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
