So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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