I only kidnapped one of them. chill
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
